feel like a jerk... only fair 'cause I sort of am one...

[kodalai]

So, as many of you have probably already heard -- I got a single. Yay. Only problem was, I screwed over my roommate-to-be in the process. Not yay.

I'm at least partly inclined to blame the room-draw process. Mudd's approach is much more sensible, as it always is -- they have a Mock Draw, where everybody picks a room, and then the Real Draw.

If I had thought, before going to room draw, that I would have ANY chance of getting a single, then I would not have told Joan that I would be her roommate next year. After all, I'd been told over and over again that Sophomores were not allowed to have singles. My only chance to have one would have been to find someone on another campus who wanted to give up their single off-pitzer for a double on-pitzer. Yeah, right. (Nobody WANTS to come live at Pitzer!) And since I had been assured several times that the odds of that were very unlikely, I gave up.

I did tell her, back when she first proposed, that what I really wanted was a single and that if things changed I might choose another option. However, then I later told her (having given up on other options) that I had decided for good to be her roomie. The night before RD we walked around and looked at rooms. She really wanted a room on D1, but I kind of didn't. D1 makes me feel claustrophobic for some reason. And I live in D2 right now, and I wanted a change of scenery.

So, next day is Room Draw. Single draw is 12-2, Double draw is 2-4. I have a fairly low number for a sophmore -- 450 -- so I decide to go a few minutes early, so that I don't miss anything. I get there, Joan's not there yet. I've been there for about five seconds, when the housing officer calls out, "We have two singles left for females with numbers under 450."

Fuck.

I have about 45 seconds to decide, and this time, I choose to put my own wants -- considering how badly I need my own space, my own NEEDS -- over responsibility and consideration. So now I have a single in Holden, and I feel like a real asshole. If Joan had been there, I would have talked it over with her. But she wasn't. I left her with absolutely no time to make alternate arrangements. She's mad at me, and she has a right to be. It was a lousy thing to do, and I wish that I could find some way to make it up to her. Some way that didn't involve giving up my single.

It's not entirely bad. The room she wanted, we would have been pulled in by a Mentor -- she still can be. It's just that now she'll be paired with a random frosh, but at least she'll still get the room that she wants.

still, I'm avoiding her now. I don't know what to say. 'Sorry' just doesn't seem to cut it.

Even though she's upset, however, most of my other friends -- especially my college-age friends -- seem to be fairly understanding. Well, admittedly, they're my FRIENDS, but I've been told several times that Housing is just a crazy thing, and stuff like this happens.

Doesn't keep me from feeling bad. I usually try be considerate and responsible.

However, eventually the feeling bad will wear off. And I'll still have a single.

Comments

[sharona1x2.livejournal.com]

I hope things work out okay for you, and for Joan. {{{hugs}}}

[kodalai.livejournal.com]

Just got an email through my school address, subject: female roommate needed. Starts out, "My friend Joan got screwed over at room draw."

Ack. *knife twists*

[sharona1x2.livejournal.com]

I'm sure there's going to be some bitterness for a while, especially from her close friends. It sucks, but it's the way people are. Hang in there, and try not to let it bother you too much. At least they didn't mention your name...

This probably isn't much help...

[razorqueen-gw.livejournal.com]

...but my sophomore roommate kind of did that to me (different set of circumstances, but a similar outcome). It started a rupture in our friendship that lasted 20 years. We only went to work on repairing things a year ago (thank goodness for the internet). Talk about it, no matter how uncomfortable it is. Regardless of the outcome, you'll feel better, because otherwise, it will hang over you for a lot longer than you might think.

Re: This probably isn't much help...

[kodalai.livejournal.com]

Well, although she's a classmate and a coworker, she's not really a friend. We knew each other and saw each other in the hall a lot, but we weren't close.

I don't know that that would have made a difference... if she had been a close friend, I'd be feeling a lot worse about it, but I also would have been less likely to do it.

[trowacko.livejournal.com]

egads. i hope everything works out. it's not always selfish to prioritize your own wants sometimes tho. i had to do something similar myself; i had to give up a psycho for a roommate and paying extra for the single. i just *had* to have my own space. it wasn't so much a desire as it was a necessity to save my sanity after going thru three roomies who drove me insane. good luck *hugs*

[kodalai.livejournal.com]

Sigh, yeah. Roomies can be a tough proposition, especially when you're introverted enough that privacy is a *real* issue.

[skyblueandblack.livejournal.com]

I don't know how much better this will make you feel, but...

When I moved to LA, I roomed with a girl I met over the 'net, and we both thought we'd be compatible. Thing is, rent was expensive, so I had Kochou with me and helping me pay my half. This other girl's boyfriend was a fourth roommate, even though he paid nothing. But then again, he paid nothing at the apartment he was on, either -- his roommate was paying the whole thing. This boy was a bum. It didn't matter who bought food, he ate it all. Anyway, she got bitter about Kochou being there and told me she should go. I got mad and we both pointed out that her boyfriend was sharing her bed but eating our food and the two of them had the air conditioner going full blast 24-7. Plus, her computer was always on. Kochou and I used maybe a fourth of the energy that got burned. Anyway, I was on a six month lease but after three months, I thought I would go crazy. Told the other girl Kochou and I were going to start looking for alternate living arrangements, and she said sure, and if I found anything, not to worry about the rest of the lease. I was under the impression she wanted to get rid of us as badly as we wanted to be rid of her.

Well, we did. She'd gone to spend time with her family, and I sent her a couple messages, but she never responded. Turned out she never bothered to check them. She came back to Hollywood to an empty apartment. And her dad, who was paying her half of the rent (she didn't work, either, amazingly enough!), didn't know that we'd been considering leaving, so he called me, all pissed off and threatening to sue. I told him she'd said I could leave, and he was all like, "Well, but you're not dealing with her, you're dealing with me!" >___<;;

So anyway... yeah. Housing at campus is crazy. Housing in the real world is nucking futs. *nods*

[kodalai.livejournal.com]

Yikes! That matches up with my sister's horror stories about rooming with people you *think* you will get along with. At least with dorms, there's no issue about payment or utility bills.

Almost makes me want to be a hermit the rest of my life. >_

Re:

[skyblueandblack.livejournal.com]

*nods* Way. See, for so long, I'd been told not to room with friends, because friendship gets in the way of responsibility, and you end up hating each other. But I've discovered that it's quite the other way 'round. Especially if we're talking about a studio apartment -- don't room with someone if you wouldn't be at least half-way willing to marry them. XD

... And yes... the other girl snored. >___