The Flim Flam Ticket 2012

[kodalai]

(Sung to the tune of The Flim Flam Brothers.)

SCENE:
[Approaching Election Day in AMERICA. A crowd of VOTERS stands outside the white house, frustrated and angry because OBAMA and BIDEN are not improving the economy fast enough. Suddenly, an huge, clunky vehicle labeled GOP TICKET 2012 appears on the horizon and chugs up the road towards the white house. The vehicle clangs to a stop, knocking over one of the pillars of society as it does so. RYAN and ROMNEY jump out.]

RYAN:
Well lookie here, co-ticket of mine, it's the same in every town
Empty wallets, dry bank accounts and not a drop of money to be found
Maybe they're not aware that there's really no need for this teary despair?

ROMNEY:
That the key that they need to solve this rude recession you and I will share

BOTH:
Oh you've got opportuni-ty
Right here in this communi-ty

RYAN: He's Mitt -- ROMNEY: He's Paul --

BOTH:
We're the world famous Flim-Flam brothers
Pandering politicians unparalleled!

RYAN:
We're GOP, and that's exactly the reason why, you see
You should take all your tax money and give it back to me
In the form of tax breaks for the wealthy,
To stimulate their spending --

ROMNEY:
More tax breaks than a bank could spend in all its days of lending!

WELLS FARGO:
(I doubt that!)

BOTH:
So take this opportuni-ty
Right here in this communi-ty

RYAN: He's Mitt -- ROMNEY: He's Paul --

BOTH:
We're the world famous Flim-Flam brothers
Pandering politicians unparalleled!

RYAN:
I suppose by now you're wondering
'Bout our peculiar mathematics

ROMNEY:
I say -- Our shared fiscal delusion

RYAN:
And I suppose by now you're wondering
"Where is this promised recovery?"

ROMNEY:
Any wonk can make a claim and any governer does the same

RYAN:
But Mitt and I have an idea most unique and superb
Never tried before and surely never failed

BOTH:
A supply-side economy!

RYAN:
Folks, it's the one and only, the limited-time sale

ROMNEY:
The most unconscionable --

RYAN:
Inconceivable --

ROMNEY:
Indefensible --

RYAN:
I-can't-believable --

BOTH:
Social Darwin Right-Wing Darlin' Ryan Randian Budget 6000!

RYAN:
So what d'you say, mister?

VOTERS:
We want supply-side economy
In this very community
Please Paul, please Mitt, feed us all this bullshit
With your Social Darwin Right-Wing Darlin' Ryan Randian Budget 6000!

RYAN:
Mr. President, I would be ever so honored if you might see fit to let my coworker and I borrow your constitutionally ratified, popular and might I add overwhelmingly Republican authored Affordable Care Act for our little demonstration here?

OBAMA:
Uh, sure, I guess.

VOTERS:
A new economy!
In our community!

RYAN:
Ready Mitt?

ROMNEY:
Ready Paul?

BOTH:
Let's take in our haul

RYAN:
And show these gentle people a marvelous world of trickle-down economics!
Watch closely, my friends!

ROMNEY:
The fun begins!

RYAN:
Now, here's where the magic happens, right here in the fiscal sector. The tax money you gave to us returns in the form of stupendously imbalanced, outrageously over-the-top deductions and tax breaks to the one-percent wealthy! Any minute now, ANY MINUTE, those billionaires are going to be putting that money right back in our economy to produce an overwhelming flood of knock-your-socks-off trickle-down investment return in infrastructure, increased manufacturing demand and elevated hiring!

ROMNEY:
Feel free to take a sneak peak!

BIDEN:
Now wait, you fellers, hold it!
You've gone and oversold it!
Your appeal to the common voters won't compare
For the most important detail
Can't be found in free-market retail
And it's compassion, friends, Medicaid and Obamacare!

RYAN:
Well I'm glad you called that out, Grandpa, I say I'm glad you called that out
You see that we're very concerned about elderly for the time it takes them to vote

ROMNEY:
Yes sir, the over-55 group won't be bothered, so don't trouble your head
So whaddya say then, voters
Care to buy into our fantasy
And the bill won't come due till today's seniors are all dead

RYAN:
What do you say, folks? Do you see what the Democrats can't? I see it clear as day! I know she does! So does he! C'mon America, you know what I'm talking about!

BOTH:
We're saying you need

RYAN, ROMNEY AND VOTERS:
Supply-side economy
In this very community
He's Mitt, He's Paul,
They're the world-famous Flim-Flam brothers
Pandering politicians unparalleled!

BOTH:
Yeah!

Comments

[aging-parents.livejournal.com]

Very cute. I'm not familiar with the original, but it of course bears a striking similarity to Professor Hill's "Ya got trouble right here in River City."

[kodalai.livejournal.com]

Not accidentally! Many of the songs written for MLP by Daniel Ingram are either directly or indirectly homages to songs in pop culture -- Barbara Streisand's "Putting It Together," or Sondheim's "Into the Woods." Since this particular episode was about a pair of snake-oil salesmen, the musical bow to Professor Harold Hill's fast talk was entirely intended.